Introvert: Paralization To Freedom

I know people who are so introverted it paralyzes them. It keeps them going out in the world. I saw myself heading down this pathway.

I saw myself only finding and interacting with people online so I didn’t have to bare the thought interacting with another human being in person my anxiety would shoot through the roof. I just wanted to be alone, but always felt lonely and that no one cared. How can someone care if they dont what you are going through? How can someone care if you don’t talk to them? Communication, it works!

My problem as introvert quickly changed as I became a Christian. What does the church do? They try to build community. This girl hated the idea of community but secretly learned to love it, because people would actually talk to her. My core of being an introvert is still there and I’ve learned to accept it, I need me time away from everyone (my apologies!) but it draws me to God even more.

However, I love being in community. I have learned to love going up to a random stranger and just ask them how their day is going to see if just a few words of encouragement or loving words can help make their day just a little bit better.

I love being and discovering me!

My Chains are Breaking

Why don’t I talk? I’ve contemplated this a lot. Am I afraid? Perhaps, of saying the wrong things and judgement. Was it something in the past? I have been told I talk way to fast and I need to stop collect my thought and then speak. How do you do that in a discussion? How by the time I “collect my thoughts” is the topic still the same? So I don’t talk.
I don’t talk to guys, regardless of who you are, because I trample over my words and been judged for it by too many men. I feel inferior to men. Because of certain men in my life. I can’t help it.
One man I am not inferior too is Jesus, he knows me, and he’s trying to pour into me. He trying to show me true love, the love that I was never shown. But he’s the love I’ve longed for my entire life. He’s the one who freed me from my own chains that I put on. He’s the one who is slowly breaking those cast iron chains that still linger. He’s my savior. I am forever a slave of righteousness because I am no longer a slave of sin.
If words go on “paper” as easy as this, they could come as easily to my lips.