God’s in Control

 

Let’s be honest for a moment, we all know God is in control. But how many of us would rather say, He’s not because we don’t want to face that fact that we are not perfect, that we fall short, we don’t want to admit that we need Jesus every day of our lives. We all do, even the people you see as “they can do no wrong” they too fall short! We can do nothing in our power, in our own strength, to make us not fall short. The beauty is Jesus came and died for us to build the bridge, so that we no longer fall short. He covers our sins.

You can say, “I know that”, but do you? Do you actually sit there and realize that every time you have a setback, that God is in control? I bet if you get the promotion, “it’s all God, thank  you Jesus.” But in the hard moments do we go and say, “thanks God, I know I fall short, and I know you and me have some work to do, so thank you so much for allowing me to go through this hard moment.” No, we don’t, we say, “Where is God” “I don’t understand” ” What did I do wrong”. We underestimate God in the hard moments, we feel if he was in control, then we wouldn’t be going through the things we go through. But sometimes we have to go through the hard moments, to get us to where He wants us.

Those hard moments are when we have our biggest growth. Why? Because you get on your knees, you get back into your relationship with God, you realize the sins that you have been allowing to dictate your life and you give them over to God, and you start focusing on the voice that should be.

So many of us are called to do great things, but sometimes we get discouraged because we have a major set back happen, or maybe we get depressed. And we let our circumstances dicate our life versus letting the Light dictate it.

I have battled depression for years. But the moment I surrender to it and I let it control me, is the moment I find myself, isolated and alone. I have to battle it, I have to fight it because I wasn’t called to live my life depressed, I was called to serve a God with joy, I was called to love others, I was called to be where I am in this moment. I can either take my depression and hide it away and pretend it’s not there or I can help others going through the same thing.

Yesterday, at church was so powerful, we did an illustration on how we are better together. We were told to lift our hands, to feel the burn of burdens we carry everyday by ourselves. Then we interconnected with each other, showing that that if we keep each other lifted, we can hold together longer, we can help each other when someone begins to fall. It was in that moment Pastor read out all the things we wrote down that were battling. We are better together, we get through things together not alone.

So when we face that next challenge or setback, there is a reason, even if you don’t see it. Don’t run, don’t hide, face it because God can use this moment in your life to help someone else out down the road because you’ve been there. God knows what he is doing even if it doesn’t feel right in the moment. Look around you, there are people there who’ve been through similar things, connect with them, learn from them, we do better when we do life together.

 

 

More Like Jesus

I’m wrestling with decisions and battling on whether or not I’m letting my personality be the cause of it all.  I avoid conflict. 
I hide everytime there is conflict. I don’t want to face it, let’s be honest, it’s never plays out to the dramatic story line that over plays in my head, it’s normally, “What can I learn from this?”, or that’s my interpretation of it because I don’t like to stay stagnant, I like growth. Problem, with growth, you tend to have face conflict of some sort. Also the problem is when you don’t face conflict, you superimpose your own brokenness on them. Sometimes they aren’t mad, but you assume. Let’s be real, sometimes you don’t even cross their mind, seriously.  
I have a problem with avoiding conflict, mostly because conflict in my house growing up was not subtle. It was loud. It was dramatic. It was unnecessary. But I still avoid it because I don’t like feeling that way certain people did in those moments.  Civil conversations are hard for me if it’s over conflict. 

I could sit here and nitpick my past saying where I learned these qualities and traits about myself. Here is the thing, I may have a certain personality “type” but I do have Jesus and my past is dead. I am made new in Jesus. 

So should I avoid conflict? Absolutely not.  Is it part of my personality? Yes. Does it define who I am? No. Just because a computer generated personality test stated who you are, you don’t have to let it define you. You now know your weaknesses, work on them, grow in them. 

I am blessed to know what areas in my life right now that I struggle with. I can either grow and learn from it or I can just accept it and live with it. God doesn’t want me to accept it as my final answer , we are to be like Jesus. Jesus did not have weaknesses. He is perfect. If we accept it as who we are, are we not just simply stating that we refuse to be anything else, and refuse to be like Jesus? 

Let’s be more like Jesus, striving to the idea that grace and mercy wins above all regardless negative thoughts , possible outcomes or conflict. 

I’m opting to learn and grow. I’m opting to be more like Jesus. 

Pruning the Branches

Why am I upset over a job that I personally know I don’t want to be at long term? It doesn’t make sense. Sometimes things happen in life that don’t make sense. But in reality when it boils down God has a plan. God has greater things in mind and if I’m not willing to go along with the plan, if I am not willing to let go of control then what example am I to others?

I can’t let a job be the means of my life because Jesus is my foundation. I can’t let things of this world block my view of eternity. Things have to change, people have to grow if God is going to use you for the purpose He has put on your life. I’ve been looking this all wrong. I’ve been looking as this being an attack of who I am, being an attack of the enemy, but I have high suspension that its God reminder of how much I so desperately need Jesus, how much people of this world needs Jesus. I’ve sat in tears at church because I felt like I haven’t heard from God in awhile, but when I paused and looked back he’s been speaking to me this whole time. 
There will be people who dislike me, I don’t care anymore. There will be people who judge me, that’s okay too, my judgment is not defined in this world. Other people’s lives are not mine to control and figure out. I only can control my own. I am tired of trying to make sense of my life right now but I’m not suppose to. I’m not suppose make sense of it all because it’s not in my control, it is not in this world. 

Don’t you see that if we get upset at the trivial things, how will He ever use us to do greater things? He can’t grow you if your not willing to change. He can’t use you if your not willing to move. He can’t use the potential planted inside of you, if you don’t allow him, to prune the branches. 

You may have to have face difficult times. You may have to face a storm. But its up to you to determine what you stand firm on and what will get out of it. Because God will use that season of your life, to grow you in certain areas if you allow him to. But this is all up to you no one else.

Non-Believer to a Believer

I opened my journal this morning and I just began reading from the beginning. This journal started Aug 2nd, 2012. A month before I found Jesus and almost 2 months before I accepted him as my Lord and Savior. Here’s what it reads:

“Today is Aug 2nd, 2012. … I want to start a new chapter in my life and I realized writing is really what I miss. I think I miss everything about it. It calms me, it makes me just fell good. Maybe it’s because it’s someone who doesn’t talk back and judge me and I can unfold all my secrets to. Someone who will always be there for me. Apparently, it is time for a new chapter in my life. Okay, so when is this man going to walk into it? Seriously.”

That entire entry can be summed up into the Man that did walk into my life a month later. It was a prayer that never left these lips, but left from a tip of a pen of a non-believer.

The next few entries were “secrets” or rather sins that just was confessed on paper. But the next entry was right before I met Jesus.

“Nothing. I have nothing, I feel like nothing. Nothing at all” (Undated)

I was depressed because I felt like nothing, unworthy, abandoned, I felt unloved. On the 22nd of September was my next post and it was about finding a great church home, one that I felt I was searching for even as a non-believer.

On October 28th 2012, God answered questions.

“…It was time for life to start. This is what I’ve been struggling with, with my faith, who is Jesus? Why is the Holy Trinity considered one person, one thing? Today my questions were answered. No, not by the sermon but by God speaking them into me. My mind is so clear right now. This is my awakening. I don’t know what He has in store for me, but I am willing and ready for it. Today I handed over my soul. Today I begin to live as Jesus as someone not afraid of faith, not afraid of judgment. I live for Him today, not me.”

After that day, I started writing my notes from the service and then have a reflection page after that. Sometimes it was 3 pages, sometimes it was a paragraph. All I know is, my Aug 2nd “prayer” led me to Jesus, it led me to a life that was unthinkable, unimaginable.

“In Christ I am loved. In Christ I am not alone. In Christ I am me.

Loving Life,
Tanya “

I want to SHOUT

My family, that’s complicated. We’re complicated. People tell me I have a weird, drama full family. Now we have a Jesus worshiper and follower, and all she wants to do is just love Jesus and live HER life, not theirs. I am that person. I used to quiet subdued and did not say anything and just went with the flow. I decided to slam on the brakes to the fast track life of failure that I was going down. I decided to follow Jesus and do you know, even though “raised’ in a “Christian family”, they do not agree with my following. I get from every single one of them,”I’m glad it makes you happy”. Do they really? Makes me happy? In all honesty, my emotions and my brokenness is worse then when I was a fast track to hell. Not everyday am I happy, not everyday am full of joy, not everyday I laugh, not everyday to rejoice in the Lord; but I can and I should. I can turn back to Jesus and know that everything will be okay. I know that he is there. I can pray, I can worship him.  I have a savior.

(I also get, “Is she okay?”)

I do not care who agrees with me anymore. I don’t want to be quiet anymore. I don’t want to sit back and let people tell me what to believe. I want to be loud. He saved me from hell, from my past, from my failures. I am sick and tired of people telling me I am either a failure, or I have no idea what I am getting myself into. Guess what? I don’t care. I am saved regardless if I think my life is failing regardless if I don’t think I have anyone to turn to. Regardless of anything. I have Jesus Christ right beside me and he will be with me for an eternity. I can’t say that about my family, I can’t say that about my friends because I do not know who is “Christian” or who is a Christian. I cannot speak for them.  I can only speak for me and my relationship with God.