Meeting you at the point

In Genesis 22, Abraham was to sacrifice his son after God told him to do so. But the beauty is when they go to altar, God showed up. God had Abraham free his son and provided a ram to be sacrificed in his place. God met Abraham in the place after he placed a calling on him and Abraham was following through.

God will meet you where he called you, just not on your timing. I’ve been struggling with faith, I’ve been struggling on whether this life is what God has called me to do, I’ve been struggling with connection with God, I’ve been struggling with a relationship with God. It’s been rough. It’s been battles with the enemy, internal struggles and some very dark days. God promises me he will never leave me nor forsake me. He promises he will always love me and he is working all things for good for those who love him.
But I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear the goodness of God. It was as if I put myself in this box and the enemy decided to trap me in there and tried convinced me that God had forgotten me, and repeatedly told me if he truly called me then I wouldn’t be going through this pain. But all this time, God was out there telling me to hold on because I had to endure this moment to get to where God wanted me but I couldn’t hear him over the words of the enemy. I was right where the enemy wanted me, trapped in my own thoughts.

But I was set free. You see there was this moment I had to pull over and allow tears to just flow down my face and be broken before God. At this very point was the point at which God met me. I yelled. I screamed at God. But a peace had come over me. It was in that moment that I knew I was free and all I had to do was let go. 
God will meet you where he wants you. Today I walked into church with more happiness and joy than any Sunday over the last few months. I got to serve Jesus today and for that I am thankful. 

God’s in Control

 

Let’s be honest for a moment, we all know God is in control. But how many of us would rather say, He’s not because we don’t want to face that fact that we are not perfect, that we fall short, we don’t want to admit that we need Jesus every day of our lives. We all do, even the people you see as “they can do no wrong” they too fall short! We can do nothing in our power, in our own strength, to make us not fall short. The beauty is Jesus came and died for us to build the bridge, so that we no longer fall short. He covers our sins.

You can say, “I know that”, but do you? Do you actually sit there and realize that every time you have a setback, that God is in control? I bet if you get the promotion, “it’s all God, thank  you Jesus.” But in the hard moments do we go and say, “thanks God, I know I fall short, and I know you and me have some work to do, so thank you so much for allowing me to go through this hard moment.” No, we don’t, we say, “Where is God” “I don’t understand” ” What did I do wrong”. We underestimate God in the hard moments, we feel if he was in control, then we wouldn’t be going through the things we go through. But sometimes we have to go through the hard moments, to get us to where He wants us.

Those hard moments are when we have our biggest growth. Why? Because you get on your knees, you get back into your relationship with God, you realize the sins that you have been allowing to dictate your life and you give them over to God, and you start focusing on the voice that should be.

So many of us are called to do great things, but sometimes we get discouraged because we have a major set back happen, or maybe we get depressed. And we let our circumstances dicate our life versus letting the Light dictate it.

I have battled depression for years. But the moment I surrender to it and I let it control me, is the moment I find myself, isolated and alone. I have to battle it, I have to fight it because I wasn’t called to live my life depressed, I was called to serve a God with joy, I was called to love others, I was called to be where I am in this moment. I can either take my depression and hide it away and pretend it’s not there or I can help others going through the same thing.

Yesterday, at church was so powerful, we did an illustration on how we are better together. We were told to lift our hands, to feel the burn of burdens we carry everyday by ourselves. Then we interconnected with each other, showing that that if we keep each other lifted, we can hold together longer, we can help each other when someone begins to fall. It was in that moment Pastor read out all the things we wrote down that were battling. We are better together, we get through things together not alone.

So when we face that next challenge or setback, there is a reason, even if you don’t see it. Don’t run, don’t hide, face it because God can use this moment in your life to help someone else out down the road because you’ve been there. God knows what he is doing even if it doesn’t feel right in the moment. Look around you, there are people there who’ve been through similar things, connect with them, learn from them, we do better when we do life together.

 

 

God is always there.

Here is a simple truth, God knows everything, God is everywhere, God is with you right now. He knows intimate details about you that no one else knows. Before you fail, He knows. God is preparing a way for you. Stop pretending that He cannot see you. Stop thinking you can hide from him. It just doesn’t work.  God provides the light to see you in the darkness, in darkest times.

I battled my darkest times in 9th grade. I have my family as a witness. I wanted my life to end. I didn’t feel worthy of living.  I did turn to drugs, I turned to the computer to look for ways I can find worthiness. The more I got online, the more I clicked into inappropriate chatrooms and websites, the more I felt worthy. I got attention in ways a 14 year-old should’ve never gotten. I felt amazing, it was my high. But when those things got stripped from me, I began to go down a path, that was complete darkness. I had no worth anymore. I was alone. I wrote a suicide note, I was done with life. I had no one to turn to. I had nothing. But God has a better plan for me.There was a small light that started to overcome my darkness. I did not have scripture. I did not even have faith. I did not have anything.  But someone helped me out of the darkness, I did not do it by myself.

God was with me even when I didn’t even care if He existed. If there is a glimpse that someone has been watching over you, someone is looking out for you, somehow things always work out…God is that someone. If God did not love YOU he would have not taken on flesh, be tempted, be tortured, and eventually die for YOUR sins.

It’s a hard concept to realize that God made you worthy of everything. Jesus would still get up on the cross for YOU, if it was just YOU. YOU are worth dying for.  I am worth dying for.  That begger that you pass on the street, they are worth dying for.  God is everywhere. God is in everything. If you open your eyes and your heart you can see it and you can spread it. It is your choice whether or not you do so.

A Glimpse into Darkness

If you were given a story to tell, would you tell it?

I have a story, everyone has a story. When I first became a believer I stated I didn’t have much of a story, that I just went to church to support a friend and got captivated by the church. However, my story is much more then that.

God gave me a story of darkness to light. When I when I was 14, I had the worst year of my life. I was beyond depressed and I slipped into a darkness that I could not pull myself out of. I failed 9th grade that year because I refused to go to school. I had no respect for authority, I was addicted to the internet and the computer and everything that came with it. I stayed in my room, I hardly moved,  I hardly ate, I hardly did anything. 

However, I did write. It’s when I first started writing, but I wrote on, poetry.com, not on paper and I am glad I did. I got to a point in my life where darkness was in my eyes and I was staring satan in the face. I told myself it was the end for me. I wrote a suicide note and poetry.com mailed it to my house, with it right on the from of the envelope. My parents saw and rushed to help me.  As much as I would say they helped me out of it. I know it wasn’t them. God had a better plan for me.

I still sometimes slip into depression but I catch myself and remind myself that I do not want to end up there. I remind myself there is one love that I know is real, God’s love and one light that will forever remain shinning because he is with me, God is light. So when I hear someone is depressed and is falling down, I want to show them that light that I have found years after my darkness, I want to show them the one person who forever will not leave them and will always love them.

God will Pull You Through

Has anyone experience death or close to death?

First off, I do not like this topic because the idea of death, death is just a new beginning, not an end.  I cannot say I suffered through any specific disease but I can say the suicide was in the picture many years back.

I think back to when I was at my darkness moments, when I thought my life was worthless, when I thought I had nothing to offer this world, when I thought I was just not suppose to be here, when I thought suicide was my way out of this hell that I was living.

I wrote a poem as my suicide letter. I wrote a poem about how much my life simply sucked and how much happier people would be and how much more at ease I would be. My parents saw the poem, told me they “loved” me and they told me “everything would be okay”. I didn’t care what they said. I reassured them that “I am fine”. I was not fine. I was lost and lonely. I didn’t know where to turn, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have God to help me, because I didn’t know Him. I felt like Jesus when he was dying on the cross, “…My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt 27:46). I felt abandoned. At this point of my life I was questioning, “If he really existed, I would not be near death.” I was so down, I didn’t know what to do, I somehow managed to pull myself out of this hell whole, or so I thought.

Now I take a step back and analyze my life that I realize that not only was He there, He held my hand to make sure I didn’t go all the way through with it. He made sure that I got pulled out of my darkness. Therefore, God is my light. God has been there with me by my side. God has a great plan for my life. He’s not done with me yet. It took me many years to find out who my true Father was, I am not going to leave Him and He will not leave me for I have eternal life with Him. 

I get down, but I NEVER allow myself to get down enough to say I am unworthy, I NEVER allow myself to say I am not loved or that I am lonely. I NEVER allow myself to do that. If I start down that path, I turn to Jesus and be lifted high because with Him I have everything, I am loved, I am worthy of everything, I am a daughter of a king, I am not lonely because forever I will have Him, forever He will be there. God is the reason I am living.