Judgement

We use social media only to show our best side, only to impress others. This is true. We use every source to impress others typically without even realizing what we are doing. Why? Because most of us only want people to see our good side, we don’t want to be judged by others. We live the majority of our lives in fear of what others might think, or at least I do.

But the blessing is God will not reject us.

God is by our side every time we fall. Every time we trip during our walk with Jesus. According to Psalm 139,  he was the very creator of your path, why would he judge you on the very thing he put in your life for to grow from?

I am know that I will fail, that I will be judged because I have posted something wrong, or have offended someone. I constantly worry about what others think, where that may be a gift at times, it has stopped me from doing things I used to love, to opening up to people, to just being me.  But it also has helped me, it has allowed me to realize God is the only one who can truly judge me.

In todays world, we are constantly judging others. We judge them based on their looks, on their skin tone, on their attitude, on their past, on their decisions, on every detail of their life. Why? Because they are not like you.

You may hear, “Oh, I wouldn’t have done that” or “Look over there [giggle]”. Let me tell you, I am afraid of judgment it has paralyzed me at times. I am afraid sometimes to make decisions or to say what I feel is right because I am afraid I will be wrong, and if I am wrong, then I will be judged and unworthy of everything. I can blame society for this, I can blame the fact that I have this shy little girl inside of me that gets her feelings hurt if someone says something negative to her. But I won’t. The only true one who can judge me is the very creator who knitted me together in my mother womb, God.

I did not pick my life. I did not pick what I went through as a child. I did not pick my skin tone. I did not pick my personality. So if people want to judge, let them judge because they are stating that God didn’t know what he was doing. But He did.

I am the only person who can let judgement affect me. I am the only person who can let it get under my skin. But from this moment I am walking this walk with Jesus, not afraid on condemnation, not afraid of judgement, because let people judge. I have nothing to hide.

Confindence in The King

I want to start off by a simple yet powerful quote my pastor said,  ‘You cannot be anxious and confident in God at the same time’.

This is how I processed the quote, if you have confindence in God then there is no way anxiety can get it. It’s like a glass, if it’s half full and you only think you have confidence in God, or you are doubting God, then there is still room for anxiety to get  in. BUT if the glass was full with complete confidence then there is no room for anxiety at all, AND if anxiety tries to get in , the confindence that you have with God will overcome it.

This speaks directly to me. I have battled with anxiety and depression my entire life. I got to a point  in 2010-2011 where I was seeking help, but not with people but with myself. I started browsing, “self-help” books. I would pick one up and read the back of the book and say to myself, ” totally me” or “I’m not that desperate.” I never read one of them. I actually disliked reading, but that’s not the point. The point was I didn’t think I was worthy of reading a book, I didn’t think I could find answers that I was searching for and I was right. None of those, “self-help” books could get where I am at today. None.

Sept of 2012 I gave my life to Christ. I was saved. In short little while after I was saved, I was forever changed.   People began to ask me how I came so far in just a short time.  My walls started falling and my chains started breaking. I started to tell them I had no clue but God must have favor in me and He does. But that’s not why my life changed. God has been working throughout my entire life, I just never noticed. My life changed because I gave it up. I let go of control. I surrendered. I let it “all” go at the cross. I laid it down. I was walking on water.

BUT sin started to creep back into my life, and my feet began to sink. The  “new believer” faith was slipping. My confindence in God began to lower and my anxiety and depression became greater. Here’s the thing, it wasn’t a bad thing.

I’ll never forget this , a pastor stated at a conference I was at last year, “The pit is not permanent”. Meaning that even though you may fall, even though you have dug the whole with sin, even though you think you are separated from God. God has a way to grab your hand and bring you back out. Don’t give up.

I applied this to the ending of last year through this year when I  began to question my faith. Where I began to find hope and worth in all the wrong places. When my depression and anxiety were at its breaking point. I began to tell myself, that this Christian walk would be easier if I just gave it up. If I just walked a way, I could be free to do whatever I so pleased. I could sin and not care if I only just walked away from God.

At that moment, I knew it was not me saying those things. At that moment when those thoughts began to play over in my mind I knew it was the enemy telling me to stop following God. BUT at that very moment. I turned back to God and gave it all up to Him. This time it wasn’t the “all” that I thought I could get a way with, this time it was deep dark secrets and lies that I have told myself. Sin that has been the core of my being that I didn’t even see.

I dove in the Word of God. I began to read Psalm 139, over and over again. I began reading scripture after scripture of God’s love. I began to listen to worship music and actually worship not just sing a song that I was doing for so long. I began to build my confindence in God back up. My faith became greater than  it was before.

God never gave up on me. God put His hand out and lifted me up out of the pit I was in. I will fall again, sin will always be there. But I can rebuild because my foundation is dug deeper and my confindence in God is over flowing.