Conviction

How many things do you hide from?

Each of us look for ways out of circumstances, each of us look for ways around things. We look for escape hatches before we even are forced to run. 

Some people don’t like churches because  they don’t want to be convicted. They don’t want to be forced to deal with the problem in their lives, who really does? They’d rather show up on a Sunday morning listen to the pastor preach then leave and never think about that sermon again.

I was listening to someone preach about how we are so focused on the outside of our churches, the building, the graphics, detail orientation, that we are neglecting the inside, the heart and the body of Christ. Same thing, I feel goes for us spiritually. Many of us go to church, we play the part, it makes us look good and feel good, sometimes we even tithe, sometimes we even serve but our heart isn’t there, our spirit is thirsting and yet we are neglecting it. 

We neglect our souls because we don’t allow ourselves to have the Word spoken to us in truth. We curve it around ourselves. Think about, if the pastor gets up there and talks about what you did the night before, let’s say  drinking, and states that being a drunkard is a sin, you will find every excuse to say that is not you. If the pastor says anything that is going on in your life, anything that relates to you, you think that it’s not you, that you aren’t that bad. Here is the thing, if you have to convince yourself you’re not that bad, you are. It’s time to buckle up and face it.

Allow the Holy Spirit to use that conviction for the good, not for yourself to hide. We are to be more like Jesus and less like self.

Take off your Sunday best, take off the makeup, who are you?  You are a child of The One True King. The Holy Spirit is apart of you. Don’t live for selfish gain, live to be like Jesus. He lives inside of you. 

Giving Up

I give up.

I’m packing my bags and shipping out. I’m done with the Christian walk. Tapped out. I surrender to that fact that this takes a lot effort, talent, time, treasure, it takes work. I don’t have the energy nor the strength. I’m done but God’s not done. I want to give up, but God won’t let me just walk away. I have no energy, it’s okay because it means I have rely on God’s strength to lift me up.

God will not give up on me, even if I walk away.  Even if I decide to never to serve Him. Even if I decide to never to go to church again. God will not give up on me. He will always try to pursue me.

If you recently have been battling with the idea of walking away from God, don’t. God will not give up on you. You will go live your life, but there will always be something missing, a God-sized hole that only He can fill. God loves us too much for us to think we can just run away from Him. If you think you can just turn back on your very creator, then you surely don’t know the power of God.

If a child runs away, the parents will take every dollar, every waking minute, every drop of resource they have to find their missing child. God will do the same for you, He will not give up.

Many of us grew up in a going to church, including me. But we turned our back because of bad practices, ungodly ministers, and evil doers. We just didn’t fit and we didn’t think “church” was for us. BUT the thing is faith and Christianity is not about what church you go to, even though, many of were taught that. Being in a relationship with your savior and walking the narrow pathway with him, is the real Christian walk. Not going to church on a  Sunday/Wednesday/ every other day the church doors were open. Community is great, but it can only go so far, especially when the people who you grew up with are not the “Christians” you thought they were.

The “church” I grew up in, was full of people who classify themselves as “Christians” but did not practice it at home. They put on their mask every Sunday and they were “happy”. There was no true testimony, there was no true relationship with our savior.

I found Christ in a middle school auditorium, 15 years after I left the “church” I grew up in. I didn’t think a church that met in a middle school could be an actual church, especially one that did not use the KJV translation.  But this church iginited something inside of me, and allowed me to see Christianity isn’t just about meeting on a Sunday morning. It’s about building a relationship with the one true King, our savior. It’s about building godly relationships with godly people. It’s about serving our God that way Jesus served. It’s about testimony, and sharing the gospel. It’s about walking the narrow pathway with your life and doing God’s will. It’s about forgiveness, grace, and mercy. It’s about LOVE because God is love. It’s admitting that we are not perfect and we need Jesus’s blood to cover us. It’s about giving up your sin and leaving it at the foot of the cross. It’s about picking up your cross daily and following Jesus.

I could keep going, however, compared to what I was taught, ‘Be perfect and fear God because God has all power’, Christianity is so much more.

I cannot walk away from God. I cannot walk away from a savior who voluntarily got up on the cross and died for this sinner who is writing this. Growing in a relationship takes work, it takes time, but I am more than willing to build a deeper relationship with my savior. Christianity isn’t easy, especially this day and age, but I wouldn’t change who I am and who I am becoming for the world.

God’s Birthday Card

I went around this weekend, thinking that I would not have any friends come around me just be with me on my birthday. I thought no one cared, that no one wanted to celebrate that God brought me into this world 28 years ago. 

I have never been giving a birthday party because my birthday feel awkwardly at the beginning of the school year, so I never knew anyone. As a little girl, I got used to my birthday just being the family being together, and maybe going next door to that other girls birthday party next door, who shared my same birthday, just a few years older.  I never knew what it was like to be the “Birthday Girl”.

I felt down all week because I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with. I felt like no one is even going to notice.  But they did, God did. My heavenly father told me “Happy Birthday” 

Do you know when you get a card for your birthday about a past memory? Well I got God’s birthday card today.

God took me back to not exactly two year ago, but pretty close. The day this lost soul stepped in the doors to Captivate. He had me go in when normal guests would arrive, he had me greeted as if I was a guest, he had hugs to be given out, he had his worship play a song that they sang two years ago. A song this girl didn’t know and didn’t want to sing and had no idea what the definition of worship was. A song that today, I sang my whole heart out and tears ran down my cheeks because God just took me back to remind me where I came from and how far I have grown in him and how lost I was without him and just to show me how much he loves me. He just took my heart and made it his and took my life and just put in his hand.  

Tonight I celebrated my birthday with my new family that I met two years ago. It may have just been a song and a cake that was sang but it  went from 5 people singing “Happy Birthday” to two times that singing it tonight. I was embraced, but honored and loved. God wanted to show me that I am never alone, that these people are beside me and are here for me. I love my family. 

My Father created me to serve him, to worship him, to do his will and not my own. If I go around celebrating my birthday without celebrating him then it’s a wasted birthday because I didn’t honor my creator. Today I walked in to church thinking “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” to “It’s my birthday because he has a plan for me and he decided that I am still worth it”. 

Thank you God.