The Enemy Within

Life. 
You may be single like me, you might be married, you might be a single mother, you might be a single father or even widowed, but each of us face challenges on a daily basis. One of them simply being the enemy within ourselves, the natural sin we were born with.  

I have a tendency to be selfish, I have a tendency to be doing my own will and not seeking God and doing His will through me. Yet, I long to do His will and not my own.  I am not saying that I don’t seek God on a daily basis, I’m not saying I don’t get into the Word of God but what I am saying is that if I look back on my decisions and my life I see more my own decisions then His. There are times when I know it’s Him, because I never would have the strength to run the obstacle and to overcome those challenges to break down the walls.

Yesterday, I sat in my car in tears. I cried because I wanted to feel loved by someone. I was lonely. I reached out but everyone was busy. But I reminded myself, repeating scriptures in my head, that I don’t need anyone. That I need to seek Him first because everything else will be added to those who seek Him.  Even if it’s not in this world it’s okay. The point is, I may have had a breakdown, but it’s okay because it pointed me back to the Messiah, Jesus. 

That challenges we face are only temporary. Jesus has be the Lord of your life. You need to let go of control of every decision. Let go and let him use you. 

I wouldn’t be where I am without Jesus. In a mere 3 years of a Christian, I have witnessed miracles, death, and new life in Christ. I have learned that living for me is lonely and depressing because it does not fulfill me. Living for Jesus, bringing him up in everyday conversation, brings forth life and joy. Being the light for others in darkness, that’s life fulfilling. Being your own light in your own world casts only your own shadow.

I will forever, till the day the Lord takes me home, battle with the enemy of my soul. But if  I fill myself up with things that give life and Gods word then it will quiet the enemy telling me: I’m not worthy, I’m ugly, no one likes me, I have no friends, if only I had one more thing then life would be perfect. Life isn’t perfect and it never will be. Stop searching and start seeking.

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