Owning it

What has God been teaching me lately? Own your faults, own your flaws, own yourself, and most importantly own your sins.

God has been telling me through situations, be yourself, but I always hesitate and say “but who am I? How can I be myself when I have no idea who I am. And if I am who I am, I don’t like me” I don’t like being this heavyset woman who feels lonely and depressed a lot of the times. I don’t want to be this woman who has no confidence in herself. I don’t want to be this woman who has anxiety over the littlest things. I want to be this athletic beautiful women who has confidence and able to go up to people and start conversations and be able to stand in front of a crowd. But that’s not me.

God has been teaching me that being myself, is owning who I am. I am this woman, who tries to be perfect at everything she does. I am a woman who analyzes things rather then jumping to conclusion. I am a woman who always has a smile on her face. I am a woman who serves with all heart and would rather do things for others then doing things for herself. I am the woman who isn’t afraid to publicly declare she’s a Christian, though used to be. I am the woman who just wants to know more about the Word of God and most importantly I want to know Jesus more. I maybe heavyset, I maybe introverted, I maybe quiet.  But I am still a child of the one true King. I am a princess.

I have been battling with myself with the idea that I am not me, that if I was then God would’ve made me differently. But I have learned the only way to glorify God is to own the fact that I am me, I have to serve Him with what and who He created me to be.  God didn’t create me by accident. He didn’t create anyone by accident. In Psalm 139, it states He knitted us together in our mother’s womb. He knows everything about us, but not declaring and owning that fact you are who you are. Is saying God did something wrong, but he simply cannot. He knew and knows what he is doing.

God knows your flaws, he created them. God knows your strengths. God knows your weaknesses. He knows everything, yet we hide from him. We hide the fact we sin, we hide the fact the we dislike ourselves. BUT if I owned the fact God is the creator of me, how can I not like me?

I am not perfect, I battle with sin. I have been battling with the same sin since I was 14 years old. I went through phases of being diligent of not going to the websites, but there were some times when I was at my lowest, that I give in and I hit click that link. I am not saying this for people to feel sorry for me. I am saying this because I am owning it. I am owning the fact I battle with this. Before, I started going to church I thought nothing was wrong with me. But the more I went to church and the more I allowed God speak to me, I realized I was addicted to a fantasy that didn’t exist. I have acquired great godly people to walk through this with me. I am not alone in this battle.

God created me. God knows everything even if I do not speak it from my lips. I have to own me to glorify Him. I have serve with gifts he has given me, for this I am thankful for everything He has done for me. I am thankful for the godly men and women he has put in my life to do life with. I now just have own who I am to become the woman he called me to be.

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