Victim of Life

‘There are people who will speech life into you, but there are also people who will speak death into you.’ – Pastor

I never thought of the latter part of that phrase. People can speak “death” into you? Then I think back to my past, and I see the man who did that my entire life that spoke ‘death’ into me. And yet he was a member of a church, and claimed to be Christian, he claimed to ‘love’ everyone. He claimed a lot of things. But yet I was a girl. I couldn’t amount to anything. I couldn’t do anything right. I wasn’t smart, I was dumb, I was ugly, I was fat, I shouldn’t even be alive. I didn’t have the right, because I didn’t deserve it. 

I didn’t have a strong enough ‘life’ speaker to outweigh the ‘death’ speaker. So the ‘death’ speaker won and it ate at my soul, it built walls up.  It took me into the deep depression and making not want to be around a man I looked up to, a man I thought loved me. Instead it took me to my room, my bed, me crying into my pillow at night, because I was unworthy of everything. This led me to locking myself in my room for almost a year, led to this man attacking me, led to a lot of things. I was a victim of life.

I never searched for a church, I wasn’t really searching for God, I wasn’t searching for anything because I allowed myself to say ‘I don’t care about my life, it is was it is, I am unworthy anyways’. (Now I know it’s because God had his hands on me the entire time) Guess what? The moment I sat down in that church, I whispered to myself, “I am home”,  it was God saying “Welcome Home” . I am home because this is where the love I have been searching for, the man I should’ve been looking up to, Jesus.  

I am no longer a victim of my past. I cannot allow the words of the past to judge my future or my present. I don’t need a man who speaks ‘death’ into me.THE MAN redeemed me, he saved me, He shed his blood for me; HE LOVES ME. IT Is more then any man of earth could ever do for me.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord”  Romans 8:38-39

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