I opened my journal this morning and I just began reading from the beginning. This journal started Aug 2nd, 2012. A month before I found Jesus and almost 2 months before I accepted him as my Lord and Savior. Here’s what it reads:
“Today is Aug 2nd, 2012. … I want to start a new chapter in my life and I realized writing is really what I miss. I think I miss everything about it. It calms me, it makes me just fell good. Maybe it’s because it’s someone who doesn’t talk back and judge me and I can unfold all my secrets to. Someone who will always be there for me. Apparently, it is time for a new chapter in my life. Okay, so when is this man going to walk into it? Seriously.”
That entire entry can be summed up into the Man that did walk into my life a month later. It was a prayer that never left these lips, but left from a tip of a pen of a non-believer.
The next few entries were “secrets” or rather sins that just was confessed on paper. But the next entry was right before I met Jesus.
“Nothing. I have nothing, I feel like nothing. Nothing at all” (Undated)
I was depressed because I felt like nothing, unworthy, abandoned, I felt unloved. On the 22nd of September was my next post and it was about finding a great church home, one that I felt I was searching for even as a non-believer.
On October 28th 2012, God answered questions.
“…It was time for life to start. This is what I’ve been struggling with, with my faith, who is Jesus? Why is the Holy Trinity considered one person, one thing? Today my questions were answered. No, not by the sermon but by God speaking them into me. My mind is so clear right now. This is my awakening. I don’t know what He has in store for me, but I am willing and ready for it. Today I handed over my soul. Today I begin to live as Jesus as someone not afraid of faith, not afraid of judgment. I live for Him today, not me.”
After that day, I started writing my notes from the service and then have a reflection page after that. Sometimes it was 3 pages, sometimes it was a paragraph. All I know is, my Aug 2nd “prayer” led me to Jesus, it led me to a life that was unthinkable, unimaginable.
“In Christ I am loved. In Christ I am not alone. In Christ I am me.