Here goes nothing…
It has been about 3 years since I actively blogged. However, I kept it to myself. I didn’t want anyone to know me, I thought I wasn’t worthy of people knowing me, I didn’t think people would like me.
Hiding from reality is not a good thing.
Here’s an entry, entitled “Reality Check”, of my old blog before I became a Christian, May 2011.
“There are things in life that go on and on in your head, like in repeat or with a alternate ending. Well since life is no DVD we can’t hope for alternate endings nor can we hope for fast forward. Life comes in moments, and a lot of the times you may say something you regret So it repeats in your head with the different outcomes, however, who says that just because you didn’t say what you wanted the outcome wouldn’t have been the same.
My dilemma is that fact I can give advice to the high heaven but I can’t follow my own words of wisdom. I try and I try. I motivate people even when I am not trying to but I can’t motivate myself. I realize that I should not dwell in the past nor should I hope for my goals to approach me all at once. That is not reality. What I should be doing is living day by day, not moment by moment. Moments can last years, like college, I just saw the big picture not the picture that my professors were bending over backwards to help me, if I lived for the day and not for the moment I could’ve succeeded to a much higher level then where I ended up.
This is a hard concept for me to grasp. I don’t know why it is. I live in a fantasy world, a place where I am loved, appreciated, successful, lovely, happy, and most importantly in love. However because I have lived in this fantasy world for so long I lost reality. I don’t really have any of that in the real world because I only know it based on the movie playing in my mind. I can manipulate it to my liking but you can’t do that in real life. ”
Today, my “fantasy world” is reality. I found a place where love is pouring out, where I am happy, where my path is just beginning. I found Jesus and all I did was start to walk with him and he open doors of the present and closed doors of the past. Some doors of the past get cracked open from time to time but that’s when I need to build enough strength & courage to close them myself.
This is just beginning, may you join me as God begins to open even more doors to both of our futures.